My Coming Out Story (January 2010)

FOREWORD: I wrote this a year ago when I decided to come out, since then my life has changed dramatically and I couldn't be happier. I want to apologize ahead of time if this is scattered. I tend to be somewhat A.D.D. when I start writing and never know where to fit things in real well, so, I’m sorry for that.

I made a new year’s resolution this year for the first time in many years. Well, let me rephrase that, I made a new year’s resolution this year that actually MEANT something for the first time…well…ever. Sure, saying I’m not going to drink pop or caffeine for a year is a good idea, but there are other, more pressing, issues in my life that I feel I need to deal with first before I try to take care of the smaller issues in my life.

My resolution is to be honest about myself. Fully. There are many of you that know what I mean by that, but I know there’s still many others that have no idea about this part of my life and how big of a role it plays in my life. Well, to put it frankly, I’m sick of hiding. I’m sick of hurting. And I’m sick of living in a near constant state of fear and paranoia.

First of all, a little back story. I’ve had major trust issues since 4th grade when a few of my best friends decided to start a rumor about me that I was gay. Well, it spread. Fast. And kids being kids, made me life pretty depressing for awhile. No one would talk to me, my friends would literally run away from me, and I was basically shunned for a few weeks until another one of my friends got over it and started hanging out with me which slowly got everyone to get over it and move on.

Well, my friends were right, although I didn’t know it at the time. And what “it” is is that I’m gay. I’ve known since what seems like my whole life that I was into guys but it never really clicked with me what it meant until 8th grade. I remember specifically where I was, what I was doing, and what my first thought was when I realized it. From 8th grade to 10th grade I didn’t tell anyone, I just lived in a constant state of fear that someone would find out, tell the whole school, get me kicked out, cause my parents to hate me, and in general make my life a living hell. You might think that I was being overdramatic, heck, maybe I was. But I’d heard enough horror stories of kids being abandoned by their parents because of this and at that age, every little mishap is the end of the world.

Anyways, from 8th grade till this past summer (Summer 2009), I considered myself to be bi. I believe I said/thought that because I was absolutely TERRIFIED to admit to myself that I was gay. So from 8th grade till 10th grade, I just had to deal with this gigantic burden by myself because I didn’t trust anyone. Well, halfway through 10th grade, the burden just became too much and I finally built up the courage to tell someone (shaking uncontrollably at the computer) over AIM. Thankfully, they accepted me. After that I told a couple more of my best friends and they accepted me as well. From there on out I told myself “It doesn’t matter if anyone else in the world accepts you, your 3 best friends accept you and that’s all that matters right now. SOMEone accepts you.”

As most of you know, I grew up in a Christian home, and have gone to a private Christian school from 6th grade up until last semester of college. While I never really got super involved with the church, or talked about Christianity much with my friends. I still believed firmly in God and everything. However, during those 2 years of trying to bear this burden I had been given I really became confused and angry with God. I saw this (and still do) as an unfixable “problem”. And I couldn’t help but be angry with God for giving me this next to unbearable “problem”. Am I just meant to be depressed my whole life? Am I condemned to a life of misery? If I give into the “sin” then I’m screwed after I die…if I try and “fight” the sin then I’m just going to be miserable and depressed for the rest of my life because, however I may act like I don’t, all I’ve really wanted the last couple years is to be with someone that cares about me and actually be in a relationship.

As of now, I've given up on all religion because I have only seen it do more damage than actual good.

Things were pretty calm from 10th grade up until the 2nd semester of my senior year when I started hearing there was another rumor going around school about me being bi. Except this time it was worse, I heard from one of my friends that the rumor had spread to the faculty. Needless to say, I was absolutely terrified every day of school for about 2 weeks because I thought that at any moment I was going to get called to the office and get kicked out of school. Any time a teacher asked to talk to me, I panicked. Any time someone looked at me weird, I panicked. When I was at home, I was in a constant state of fear every time my parents asked if they could talk to me (my mom was a substitute teacher at my high school so she could very well have heard about it. In fact, I still don’t know if she heard anything.). From the time I heard there was a rumor going around about me, I started running nonstop. I never let anyone stop me, never really talked about issues with anyone, never gave myself anytime to slow down and think. That lasted through the end of high school and through the summer. Just running nonstop. Then it hit me. College. It absolutely terrified me. I had spent so much time building friendships, helping my friends, and finally got myself into somewhat of a “safe zone”. And now I had to get up and leave it all behind? Go into a completely new environment with no one to help? No one to turn to? Like I said, I was terrified.

In fact, I was so terrified that I refused to leave for college when I was supposed to and arrived a week later than everyone for the leadership camp part of the 2 weeks prior to when class actually started.

Once class actually got underway, I quickly realized that it was not going to end well at all. After running for about 6 months straight without any quiet time, it was like running into a brick wall. All the free time that college brought me. All the quiet time. No one I trusted enough to talk to in person. Everyone I cared about and trusted 200 miles away. I quickly fell into one of (if not the deepest) depression I’ve been in (Side-note: chronic depression runs in my biological family and since 7th grade I have a bout of depression every 2 years). It got to the point where I was basically suicidal. I remember clearly one night when I was talking with one of my friends online and he was asking if I was okay or if I needed to talk and I was just sitting there holding a bottle of pain pills just thinking “it would be so easy…so easy…just to end it and be done with it. No matter what I do, I’m screwed. Might as well just get it over with now.” Obviously, I didn’t give in and just continued trying to survive one day at a time.

At this point, I know I had begun to worry a lot of people in my life. I was getting weekly messages from my mom and my best friends mom asking about my Facebook statuses and if I was okay. One of my friends asked another friend to talk to me because he was worried about me. My mom called counseling services on me. It got bad.

With about a month left of the semester I decided to drop out for my own well-being. Frankly, I didn’t trust myself to be left alone by myself because I had no idea what I might do and I didn’t want to find out.

So I was back at home, safe, but still depressed. And I remained that way for awhile. Thankfully, my parents didn’t press taking classes or getting a job. At that point, I just needed to stop, take a break, and get my life back on track. It’s amazing what a few months of thinking can do to your outlook on life (and I mean that in a positive sense).

However, at the end of the spring semester, one of my (once again) really good friends had a lapse in judgment and let it slip to a couple of my friends and a couple people I didn’t particularly like that I was bi. I was furious, terrified, betrayed, and about 1,200 other emotions. I immediately built up the walls I had been trying so hard to tear down and reinforced them with everything I had. I didn’t plan on letting anyone else into my life, or at least my personal business, for a very long time, if ever.

Again, I assumed the worst, everyone was going to find out, my parents would be notified (why? I have no idea), and my life would be even more hellish than I had already made it. But once again, I guess luck was on my side, the rumor spread somewhat and I had a few conversations about it with some unlikely people, but I was honest about it and everyone seemed to be alright with it. I still don’t know exactly how far the rumor actually spread or who knows/thinks I’m bi but at this point it doesn’t matter to me.

I admitted to myself this past summer that I was gay. I also forgave my friend for her lapse in judgment because I firmly believe in the “forgive and forget” saying. Everything slowly started coming back together and settled down. I decided to return to school in the fall and give it another try. Got an apartment on campus with one of my good friends, and was feeling very optimistic and hopeful about the coming semester and what it might hold.

Well, long story short, I did pretty awful in most of my classes again. However, I definitely feel that I improved over the year previously because I did pass 1 or 2 classes (can’t remember how many exactly) and I didn’t fall into depression at all.

It wasn’t until November that I was faced with my first real negativity about being gay. Back in September, my roommate started dating this girl. Long story short, it didn’t end well but me and her became really close. We ended up talking for about 2 hours every single day from September until November when she sent me a message asking if I had any intention of trying to be straight or go back to church. I was honest with her and told her, for one, you can’t just turn straight, and no, I did not have any intention to go back to church. Well, she then told me that we couldn’t talk any more or be friends. That hit me hard. But it hit me even harder the next day when she told me why. She had been triple-teamed by her pastor and parents, all of whom were telling her that she shouldn’t be as good of friends with me as she was solely because I’m gay. Even worse, they threatened to stop paying her college tuition unless she cut things off with me. So yeah, that was probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since coming to terms with myself and accepting it for what it is.

So that brings us full circle. In December, my roommate showed me this free dating website that I decided to give a try and started talking with some other guys, heard some of their stories, and began to realize that I’m not as alone as I thought I was.

New Year’s Eve. I made a new year’s resolution that I would come out fully. That I wouldn’t hate myself for something that I can’t fix or change. That I would be happy and be content with who I was as a person.

The first step was to tell my parents, which I did mid-January. However, that didn’t go nearly as smoothly as I was hoping it would. Long story short, I wrote them a note telling them, panicked before I gave it to them, taped it to the fridge, ran out of the house, took the car, and drove to my friend’s house.

Needless to say, things were pretty awkward when I got home. I still haven’t really talked to my parents about it because I’m just not comfortable talking about it out loud with basically anyone (with a few exceptions). However, my mom was pretty awesome about it and left a note under my door that night saying that they still loved me and they were just really surprised.

Okay, so NOW we’ve come full circle. At first, I thought about posting as my status on Facebook saying “I’m gay”, let everyone see it, get it over with, and then move on. But I’ve decided to go about “coming out” a little differently.

I will be Drew. I will be myself. I will be crazy. I will be dorky. I will not make it a huge statement. I will not draw attention to myself about it. I will be the person that I have always been. There’s just another trait you can add to the list. I’m gay.

Homosexuality vs. Christianity

Foreword: I have a tendency to get very passionate on this subject so I apologize if this comes off as rather emotional.

Second foreword: I will says "Christian's" a lot in this post, and when I do, I'm talking about the majority of what I've seen. I know several Christian's that are loving, tolerant, and accepting, however the majority is certainly not.

First of all, I hate Christian's. Well, let me rephrase that, I hate a large majority of Christian's. Don't get me wrong, I love Christianity, God, and the Bible, but Christian's in general have a tendency to thoroughly piss me off.

Here's why:

I thoroughly believe that Christian's are some of the more judgmental, uneducated, and ignorant people on the earth. Furthermore, I think there are many Christian's that don't even really follow God's teaching, they just follow what the pastor tells them to follow and believe.

And here's why I say those things. I say Christian's are judgmental because...well...look at how many of them tell gay people they're going to hell, or that they don't agree with their lifestyle, or the phrase I've heard countless times "I love you as a person, but I just can't accept that part of you" as if saying they love me makes it all better.

I say Christian's are uneducated for a couple reason's. First, they love to pick and choose what they want to believe and what they don't want to hear. For example, Leviticus 19:27-28 says "27 'Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard. 28 'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD." This is written in the chapter just before the infamous Leviticus 20:13 verse about "homosexuality". Why don't we condemn everyone with tattoos to hell? Why aren't people that have nicely trimmed beards or are clean-shaven insulted, harassed, and terrorized? The answer? Time's changed and with the change, the rules shifted to fit how people are living presently. So why is it that people can't move past the verse that "condemns homosexuality"?

Side-note: I just want to throw this out there. This literally had me shaking with anger and since then, I have refused to return. I went to the college youth group that me former church runs one sunday night a few weeks ago and I noticed something. The lead singer had a fairly large tattoo on his right forearm and yet no one even batted an eyelash about that because it's considered to be "cool". And yet, if I were to walk in holding hands with my boyfriend, I'd get more looks than the heterosexual couple in the corner trying to get as much body contact as humanly possible. I'm sorry, but there is something very wrong with that picture.

I say Christian's are ignorant because they just follow blindly behind whatever their parents or pastors preach or teach them and take that as infallible truth instead of actually doing their own research and coming to their own decision's. Also, they love to pick and choose what rules they want to follow and support. I gave a firm example of that earlier.

Also, I've heard more times than not that we have some kind of "gay agenda" that we're trying to accomplish. I will say this once and on time only:

That is complete and utter bullshit.

The reason I brought this up is because of this video:



Is the fact that Barack Obama is the president the fruition of an "African American agenda"? If you didn't know, interracial marriage used to be illegal but then the laws were changed and marriage was redefined to allow interracial marriage. Was that the fruition of an "African American agenda"? Was that them trying to turn people black and take over the country? Of course not. That was another minority that wanted equal rights. That's all that gay people want. Equal rights and to not have to worry about holding hands with their significant other while they walk down the street.

----DISCLAIMER----
I've seen some shows where some African American people have made a minimal connection between African American rights and gay rights and while I don't at all think that they're nearly on the same level...the basics are there. Minorities being needlessly oppressed because of religion. That's the only message I'm trying to get across, I wouldn't dream of comparing the two.
----END DISCLAIMER----

I've also heard several times that people are just trying to "protect marriage". Um...what is there to protect? And how is same-sex marriage going to "damage" it? Last time I looked, DIVORCE is what destroys marriage. Now why the hell aren't people wanting to ban that?

Finally, I'm going to leave this with a series of video's that I found to be incredibly beneficial and educational and I would strongly recommend them if you want to get a more in depth look as to the damage the Christianity has done over the centuries and is still getting away with presently.












And if you want to see just how ignorant and hateful some Christian's can be, here's a video documenting it:

Re: 2 Boys, No Marriage...

Foreword: I'd encourage you to watch this video before reading this post because it will make understanding so much easier.



She couldn't have worded it any better than that. I've been thinking the same things for the last several months when I really came to accept myself for being gay. It just doesn't make sense to me at all.

For one, what happened to separation of church and state? The only reason people think that being gay is wrong is because of "christian's" spreading the lie that being gay is an abomination, everyone who is gay is going to hell, and that God hates homosexual's. Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but what happened to loving your neighbor as yourself?

Secondly, it thoroughly pisses me off with how uneducated and ignorant people are when it comes to homosexuality and yet they act like they're all-knowing god's who know EVERYTHING there is to know about being gay even though they have done ZERO research on the subject.

Lastly, like the girl in the video said several times, I just don't understand. There is absolutely no LEGITIMATE reason as to why gay marriage should be illegal. The only thing that's holding us back from making progress is laziness (to actually change the laws), blindness (to how much this effects people), and ignorance (to actually become educated as to what homosexuality is).

Music is my life

There is one question in my life that I find to completely impossible answer. Actually, there's 2. The first being "What is your favorite song?", the second being "Who is your favorite artist/band?".

I feel as if music is the sole constant in my life. It's been there with me through the good times, and has seen me at my absolute worst. It's helped me and pulled me out of depression when my friends weren't there. It's accompanied me when I dance in my car while driving, and it's sung duet's with my as I cruise down the road. Music is by my side at almost every point of the day. At the computer, in the car, going to sleep, waking up...it encompasses me wherever I go, whatever I'm doing. It never fails to keep me company and pull me through.

Now, as for those 2 questions, to give you an idea of why those are impossible for me to answer. As of this moment, my itunes library consists of 37,644 songs and 2,969 artists. That adds up to 114 days, 14 hours, 17 minutes, and 31 seconds of constant music without hearing the same song twice.

However, I will try and narrow it down to my top 20 favorite artist's, why I like them, and a couple of my favorite songs by them. These will be in no particular order, I don't like one song more than another, they are all here because I thoroughly enjoy them and have some kind of emotional connection to.

20. Ryu★

Genre: Happy Hardcore

Why?: Ryu★ basically embodies how I feel and act when I'm super hyper. Crazy, insane, speed, spontaneity, and unbridled happiness.

Favorite song:



19. Cascada

Genre: Vocal Techno/Dance

Why?: Cascada was basically who started my love for techno, from the moment I heard "Everytime We Touch" I was hooked and have loved basically everything I've heard from her since

Favorite song:



18. Joshua Radin

Genre: Indie/Acoustic

Why?: My freshmen year of college, my roommate would play his album every night to go to sleep to and for the first couple months I hated it. But with time, it grew on me and now I absolutely love his album and music too

Favorite song:



17. Breathe Electric

Genre: Powerpop

Why?: My friend from Cornerstone showed me his album cuz apparently she went to the same youth group as him and I fell in love with his sound/style/lyrics. Perfect album to play while driving around with all the windows down.

Favorite song:



16. BeForU

Genre: J-pop (a.k.a. Japanese Pop)

Why?: I first heard them through playing DDR and loved how upbeat every song was and got pretty hooked on them for awhile.

Favorite song:



15. LMFAO

Genre: Party Rap/Club

Why?: To put it bluntly, I just love how crazy these guys are. They're fun, they're drunk (more than likely), and they are incredibly raunchy. But I love 'em nonetheless.

Favorite song:



14. Darren Styles

Genre: UK Hardcore

Why?: Great lyrics. Great style. Great music. Plain and simple.

Favorite song:



13. Eleventyseven

Genre: Christian Powerpop

Why?: I love how much fun their music is. You can't help but smile when you hear their music. And finally, unlike some powerpop bands, they actually have incredibly deep and meaningful lyrics.

Favorite song:



12. Dash Berlin

Genre: Vocal Trance

Why?: I love how smooth and uplifting his music is. I can close my eyes and just fly away from the world and all my problems.

Favorite song:



11. Infected Mushroom

Genre: Psychedelic Trance

Why?: Basically, I just love how different their sound is from anything else I've ever heard. It's so random and spontaneous but I love it.

Favorite song:



10. Basshunter

Genre: Dance

Why?: I really have not been able to find a single song from his main albums that I dislike. I love the lyrics, the sound, how upbeat it is, basically everything about it.

Favorite song:



9. Attack Attack!

Genre: Post-Hardcore/Techno

Why?: I HATED this band when I first heard them just cuz at that point I hated anything and everything to do with scream-o. But with time, their superbly written lyrics and blend of scream-o with techno sections that could rival mainstream dance artists won out and I fell in love with their album and has become one of the most listened to albums in my library.

NOTE: I love their first album "Someday Came Suddenly" but despise their new self-titled album.

Favorite song:



8. Cash Cash

Genre: Powerpop

Why?: Just fun to listen too. Nothing too deep about their lyrics besides a couple song. This is basically just some fun music to listen to while driving around or hanging out.

Favorite song:



7. Cobra Starship

Genre: Pop Punk

Why?: From the moment I heard "City is at War" I was hooked. I love how energetic and down to earth this band is

Favorite song:



6. Good Charlotte

Genre: Alternative/Pop Punk

Why?: I've been a fan of them since they released "The Young and The Hopeless" back in 2002. Several of the songs kept me alive during that year (literally) so I've got a very strong emotional connection to the band and their music.

Favorite song:



5. Maybeshewill

Genre: Post-Rock

Why?: I have never heard a style of music like theirs before. For the most part, they're an instrumental rock band, but they use famous speeches/quotes from movies as lyrics and some of them are incredibly powerful.

Favorite song:



4. Ludacris

Genre: Rap

Why?: Ludacris is hands down my favorite rapper. He's got a style all his own, he's funny, he's dirty, he's serious, and he's done some of the fastest raps I've ever heard.

Favorite song:



3. Owl City

Genre: Electonic/Pop

Why?: First of all, Owl City is the only band that I get super passionate about when it comes to being a fan. Frankly, 'Fireflies' is one of my least favorite songs of his. I started listening to him back in my junior year of high school when I found his page on myspace and got hooked on his upbeat positive sound and lyrics and have enjoyed everything he's produced and released since then.

Favorite song:



2. Linkin Park

Genre: Rock

Why?: Another band that I've been a fan of for a long time. Linkin Park stretches back to 4th or 5th grade when my friend first showed my "Hybrid Theory" and I loved it. They're also another band that has helped pull me through multiple phases of depression so I've got an very intense emotional connection with them as well.

Favorite song:



1. Five Iron Frenzy

Genre: Christian Ska

Why?: I can vividly remember the first 2 CD's I ever listened to. The first being "Upbeats and Beatdowns" by Five Iron Frenzy and the second being "The Dirty Boogie" by The Brian Setzer Orchestra. Hands down, Five Iron Frenzy is THE most talented band I have ever heard in my life. Fantastic vocals, inspiring/thoughtful lyrics, great mindset, incredible performers. I can say that they are my all-time favorite band and they have one of my all-time favorite songs.

Favorite song:



So there you go, my top 20 bands and 20 of my favorite songs. I hope you enjoyed hearing some of the music I like and that I may have introduced you to some new genre's.

"Divided" Paths

Currently listening to: "Two Rebels" by Honor Society

So I was at Evensong tonight and they sang "How Great Is Our God" and during one of the last choruses I noticed that one of singers broke off from the group and sang the 2nd version of the chorus on top of the rest of the band but then came together at the end.

It got me to thinking about christianity in general and how divided it is...there are so many different denomination's which I have never understood the point of. Aren't we all just going towards the same end goal? Don't we all believe in the same god? And yet, there's animosity, arguments, and all this division for no apparent reason. It just confuses me, but when they did that chorus it gave me a way to kind of solidify what I mean when I talk about the division in chrisitianty. Sure, the words are different, but it's the same chords, it's got the same message, and in the end you all finish together.

Glee

Currently listening to: "Don't Stop Believin' (Drew G Mix Part 2)" by The Glee Cast

I remember seeing commercial's popping up a month or so ago for this new show Glee that was coming to Fox and it was the first series I got excited about in awhile. But then my schedule (or just forgetfulness) got in the way and I never really got to catch any episodes. But a couple weeks ago my friend Kim had me watch the ending number the cast did for the pilot episode. The song was "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey and I knew at the moment that I was going to be hooked on the show. Of course, right after getting attached to the show then I had to leave for school where I don't have easy access to cable tv (or tv at all) and it slipped to the back of my mind yet again.

But about 2 days ago I fell upon this remix that someone (ironically) named Drew G put together of the Don't Stop Believin' rendition Glee put together and I've been completely addicted to it ever since I heard it.

Well, tonight I finally had some time to myself to do whatever I want and decided to watch the 3 full episodes that Fox had posted up and it clinched my love for this show, the characters, and of course the very well done musical numbers that appear throughout the episodes.

But it also made me think and come to some realization's and before I get into them, I feel like I should give some background as to why these are such big realization's for me.

I have always had pretty low self-esteem/self-confidence but I try to cover it up as best as I can however I always am on edge around...well....basically everyone. There's really only 2 people that I feel 100% completely comfortable and don't have to think about everything I say, do, or act. I can just be true self without and worry and it is such a freeing feeling.

But this show made me realize how stupid it is to try and cover yourself up, or try to hide your true self from people because really...what's the point? Why not be yourself, find friends that accept you for who you are, not some mask that you hide behind? So that's what I'm going to try to do, I'm going to try to be myself. Truly.

Dumber By The Year?

Currently listening to: "Walking On The Moon" by The Dream ft. Kanye West

Before anyone freaks at me about the fact that I'm listening to a (an?) R&B song and then ripping on a similar genre...that song actually has a (pretty) good meaning compared to most of its counterparts that are being repeated to death on the radio.

Alright, am I the only one who's *really* amazed with some of the crap that's being called "music" and thrown out to the public? And even worse, am I the only one who's amazed that the general public keeps eating it up and begging for more?

Here's a few examples of this "crap" that I'm talking about

1) "Ice Cream Paint Job" by Dorrough

Okay, first of all, what the hell is an "Ice Cream" paint job? Second of all, is there any purpose to this song? Because I really cannot see any. With most of the popular rap out there today people at least have the excuse of "it's got a good beat to dance to" as some way to defend it. This has nothing. It has no beat, barely any actually music, and the lyrics are absolutely awful. Besides, who in the right mind would find enjoyment in dancing to a song about how your car should look?

Just for the record, I'm all for people making music and what not...but can we at least make some guidelines or regulations as to what is going to be thrown out to the entire world? Like...an actual meaning behind the song?

2) "Birthday Sex" by Jeremih (No, I didn't spell that wrong, that's how he spells his name)

Once again, a basically pointless song that has no meaning whatsoever. It basically just proves my point that a majority of the "popular" music these days is just meaningless crap and as long as you "look good" or have a "good beat" then you can become a millionaire. You don't need any talent, you just need connections. That's it. Then you can make millions off a song about having sex on your birthday. Great world we live in, eh?

3) "Turn My Swag On" by Soulja Boy

Yeah, I know this isn't that recent but this song is just awful. Everything about it, the music itself is painful, and the fact that he is insanely off-key during the chorus and just about throughout the entire song makes me wonder how in the world this song ever was allowed to even be produced. Soulja Boy, stop making music, thank you.

And the last thing I want to say on the topic of music is how unoriginal a large majority of rap/popular music is today. The greatest example I can give is Flo Rida on his new album. He's got "Sugar", "Right Round", and "Jump" that all use either a past song's chorus/back-track or a well known saying as the chorus to his song. It used to be you had to bring something original the table before you could get signed and produced...apparently you don't even need that anymore, you can just buy off the sounds or words of past artists and sell them as your own. Or like I said before, you just need connections and you can be a millionaire too.

On to a slightly different topic. Has anyone else wondered about the future lately? I mean, when I was a kid I pictured the future as incredibly clean and futuristic with flying cars all over the place and everything working smoothly. Lately? I can only see the future being so much worse than things are now. I was talking to my friend today about how people type on facebook or when commenting on a video/picture. And we came to this question, how many year's or generation's will pass before that's the "normal" way to type, and proper spelling and typing become a thing of the past. And the most ironic thing about it is when I see someone typing something like this:

.:I lOvE mY bF sOoOoOo MuCh!! wE r LiKe MaDe 4 eAcH OtHa!!!:.

Which doesn't make a single bit of sense. I can kind of understand and defend "typing lik dis" when it comes to saving space or time (but really, how much time are you saving by typing like that?) but when I see several status updates a day with people like that it just confuses me because they're 1) making things much more difficult to read quickly 2) making it a lot more difficult to type and 3) not saving anytime whatsoever. There is absolutely no reason to type like that, nothing good or beneficial comes out of it besides maybe being able to say "But I'm being original!!"...but even then, you're not. You're just being a dumbass.

Going back to what the future will hold, I made a joke (albeit, somewhat crude and over the top, but not altogether farfetched) about how computers in a few generations will come with not Minesweeper and Solitaire as the built-in games but "Drop Sum Phat Beatz" and "Score Sum Hoes". Like I said, sure it's a little over the top, but in all honesty, isn't that the only thing our generation thinks about or aspires to be? They want to become millionaire's and get all the girl's because "that's the cool thing to do". And with how easy it is to get into the music industry now-a-day's it's not that crazy of a concept (I'm looking at you Soulja Boy).

This is yet another reason why it bothers me to no end when people rip on the Jonas Brother's or Miley Cyrus but then go on to continue blasting Soulja Boy at the highest volume on their ipod's. At least their music has depth...and moral's...and talent.

Summer Boredom

Currently listening to: "Nightmare" by eleventyseven

Well, it's 7:18 a.m. currently and I haven't gone to bed yet....I know, you're shocked =P. Anyways, I realized I hadn't made a post in about a month (little less) so I figured I'd do a little update on my life...keyword: "little" cuz i need to get in the shower soon so that i can give my dad a ride to his doctor's appointment.

Ummm....well, going off of my last post. Hanging out with Fishy was a lot of fun, we went to his high school to pick up his brother and he showed me around there for awhile, dropped his brother and friend off at home then went over to the mall to wander around and pass the time. Ended up buying a new t-shirt and hoodie from Hot Topic that were on a major clearance. Ummm, then we went back to his house and spent about an hour on imdb.com reading all the random extra jobs people get in movies...and trust me, there's some crazy one's out there, haha. oh, and he showed me some of Jonny Ordonia's pictures on facebook which are INCREDIBLE. I ended up leaving around 7 cuz i started getting pretty tired and i had to drive up to Grand Rapids to pick something up for my friend before driving home which added an hour to the trip. Thankfully once I started driving I woke up so the trip home wasn't bad at all, and I was very glad to be able to take I-96 the whole way home instead of the really obnoxious route i took to get to Portage.

ANYWAYS, more recently. My mom was out of town for a couple weeks to visit her dad in kansas, and during that time my dad had his first of 2 cataract surgeries so i had to take care of him for a majority of the time because he wasn't supposed to really do much of anything. But the surgery itself went fine, and he just got the second surgery completed a couple days ago so now he's back into the healing/recuperating process but this time he's got my mom around to take care of him so there's less stress on me.

Uhhh...what else is there...oh, i guess this is kinda interesting...i've given up on the "conventional" job search and am going to give the working-from-home-posting-links-for-google gig and see how that works out for me, lol.

Um...other than that i've just been hanging out with friends when i can (which has actually been VERY often this week...almost a daily thing) and just hanging out at home passing the time doing whatever...oh! i got inFAMOUS for the PS3 a week or so ago which has been keeping me entertained...and i just bought the new downloadable content for Burnout Paradise which included an entire island to drive around on which is TONS of fun. I'm letting one of my friends borrow the PS3 and all my games for a few days currently though cuz he's really gotten into inFAMOUS and Burnout so i figured why not.

Anywho, I think that's about it...so if anyone actually reads these, how have all of you been? =)

Home Alone!

Currently listening to: "Va 'r Jag" by Basshunter

Update on my life time!

This is prolly going to turn into a really boring post so sorry about that, lol. Anywho, it's like 5 a.m. on a friday morning (well...duh...the date is right at the bottom...) and i'm really not that tired, i went to bed around 11ish but then i woke up at 1 and have been awake since.

My week....ummm...gimme a sec to remember, lol...

I went and saw Star Trek with Kim on saturday which was A LOT of fun and an AMAZING movie so that was a good night =). Sunday I did the weedwacking around the house, monday I think I just laid around the house...tuesday I power washed all the decks (we've got 3...2 small ones and one big one that spans across the entire side of the house) which took awhile but wasn't that bad (besides water beginning to leak into my dad's office downstairs, lol). Wednesday...I went to my high school for like half an hour and saw a few people then went with Kim, Danny, and Eric (hitchhiked a ride...funny story, lol) to a softball game at Lahser high school where Ellen was playing. I was there for a little over an hour...one HOUR...and i got sunburned. that's just sad, haha. Anyways, me and eric left and got taco bell then i dropped him off at the school cuz he needed to help set up for youth group and then i went home for the evening. 

Oh! Okay this is going to sound super dorky/nerdy but i was running around the house going insane when i found this (you're never too old to have an excitement attack =P)...anyways, I FINALLY found the full version of this one DDR song that i've been looking for for about...2 years-ish? yeah, about that. I was SO excited and now I am SO addicted to it, haha. Ummm...oh, speaking of new music, I also found out eleventyseven is coming out with their new album (Adventures in Eville) on June 9th and they've released 2 pre-release songs that are AMAZING and i've been really addicted to those as well and am super excited for the new album to come out =)

Ummm....anyways, i ended up staying awake till like 7 a.m. last night (morning?) and ended up crashing before i could say bye to my parents. They left around 10ish yesterday morning to drive to west virginina to go to a wedding so now i'm home alone until monday =D

Aaaaand tonight was SCS's prom which I went to cuz kim asked me to....i'll admit that it was really awkward for the first hour or so, but once we got to the actual dinner part it was fun cuz we were at a good table and i was pretty good friends with most of them so that was cool. Kim gave me a ride home after the dinner cuz my brother needed the van and I didn't really feel like paying 10 bucks to get into a christian high school dance and just end up getting yelled for 2 hours for "dirty dancing" (bullcrap.) so i just went home and then kim headed back to the dance. 

Uhhh, oh right, now i'm just hoping i get tired soon-ish so i can get a little more sleep than just 2 hours cuz i'm gonna head over to grand rapids (well, technically Portage) to hangout with Fishy for awhile today and it would be good that i got more than 2 hours of sleep when i'm going to have to drive about 4 hours today, lol. 

Plans for the weekend after that? maybe hangout with kevin when i get back if it isn't too late, movies with kim and rachel at my house on saturday and maybe seeing Star Trek again with kim, eric, and jonathan as well on saturday. Sunday...it feels like i have something going on then as well...but i can't remember for the life of me what it is, lol...oh well, maybe i'll just do some the other jobs that need to be done around here then...and clean the house up a bit, lol.

Anywho, that's about it for this week =) i'm just gonna post some lyrics from a few of my favorite songs at the end cuz...well...i'm not entirely sure, i just feel like doing it =P

"I'm trying to live,

Trying to hope,

Trying to love,

Trying to cope.

Life's a war that few of us survive,

And I'm just trying to make it out alive."

 - Trying by eleventyseven (one of their pre-release songs)

"I worked up the nerve to go to the dance

There's no reason I couldn't give it a chance

I walked through the door and what should I see

There was Kelly staring back at me

And she said

I've always wanted to be a mad professor

With a bottle-nosed dolphin I could name Sylvester

If that's the kind of thing you're into then I'm your girl."

 - Evil Genius by eleventyseven (other pre-release song)

"I've been waiting for the weekend to come

I've been working so hard

I don't ever want to lose this feeling

Baby we've got tonight, and the rest of our lives

and this party is getting started, gonna move tonight

Why not, you should - listen to the music and dance right through the night

Why not, don't stop! - gonna rock the sound tonight."

 - Why Not by DJ Darwin (this is the song i just found that i'm addicted to)

"The road I walk is paved in gold,

To glorify my platinum soul.
I'll buy my way to talk to god
So he can live with what I'm not

The selfish blood runs through my veins
I gave up everything for fame
I am the lie that you adore
I feed the rich, and fuck the poor

I got, you want.
It's just don't stop.
This is entertainment.
Lies are entertainment.
You are down on your knees,
begging me for more."

 - "Don't Stop" by Innerpartysystem

Honorable mention of some of my other favorite songs right now....

Arizona by Hey Monday

Prom Queen by Lil' Wayne

Go Hard by DJ Khaled

Burning Up by Jonas Brothers

Silly Boy by Lady Gaga/Rihanna

Fire Burning by Sean Kingston

What You Got by Colby Odonis

Lucky by Jason Mraz

Starlight by Muse

Human by The Killers

aaaaaaaaand, Basshunter cuz his music never gets old =)

Jo Bros vs. The World

Currently listening to: "Surrender (VIP Mix)" by Al Storm

I'm going to try and not turn this into just a big rant but I can't make any promises, lol.

I really do not understand why people loathe the Jonas Brothers (or Miley Cyrus, Hillary Duff, Miranda Cosgrove, or any other Disney star turned artist) because in all honesty, none of their music is really that bad. I actually enjoy listening to most of their songs...and there is MUCH worse music out there. And, in my opinion, I'd much rather see the younger generation listening to any of them and actually be getting some good values put into their life then having them be blinded by Flo Rida, Pussycat Dolls, etc. (I refer you to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eQ5yWoGfQw)

In response to that video:

1) What parent actually allows their (7 year old?) child to listen to that kind of music? And people wonder why kids are having sex at younger and younger ages...it's not just the artist's fault. They make the music they want to make, they have no control really over who listens to it and what not. That's up to the parents to show some responsibility and use a little control over what their child is listening to and if it's appropriate or not.

2) Well, I guess this is more in response to the comments on the video...no, that is not cute, that is terrible. At that age he should be singing Row Row Row Your Boat or something.

Although, I will say that tv channels and producer's could do a MUCH better job of selecting music they play, especially on general kid's channels. (I refer you to this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQED4DR7lX4). It's no wonder kids want to have sex at such young ages, and why girls tend to dress slutty at younger ages as well. They see those girls performing, basically shoving the essence of sex in their face, and making millions off of it. Of course they're going to think that's "cool".

I'll end with this, I'm not condoning the artists or the music they make (heck, I like Flo Rida's music myself), but I just believe that if parents and producers did a better job of censoring and just using common sense then a lot of the sex-crazed cultural we live in would begin to deteriorate.